Two Worlds Are Better Than One – Nov. 15/14

Nov. 15/14 –  I am Chinese.  But I am Canada-raised, having been here since I was 8 years old.  I often feel like I have one foot in each of these worlds and none in either.  When I am with the non-Chinese, I am called “Chinglish.”  And when I am with the Chinese, I am branded as the “little white girl.”

This kind of feeling of not being able to settle with a particular culture and hovering between two completely different traditions initially bothered me as a child. I felt that I didn’t belong. But as I grew up, I learned to take this into stride. In fact, I have mastered how to combine the two cultures to get the best of the two worlds.  I started to take the best out of both cultures to create something new that would best work for me.

The reality is that my bi-cultural background has played an important role in my being a mother and an entrepreneur.

Growing up with the Western children

During my early days in Canada, there were not as many Asians as there are now and definitely not as many from the other western cultures.  Thus, growing up with the Caucasian children was a challenge. There were a lot of differences everywhere, such as, eating with fork instead of chopsticks, appreciating the food I didn’t grow up eating, eating food from set plate against getting food from platters set in the middle of the table, learning English in the shortest time possible, speaking like them, “living in” their culture, relating with them and many more. There were so many lessons learnt and so many lessons kept as well. I remember being made fun of because of my Chinese accent.  I was hurt many times and I remember crying many times over the word “sugar”  which I pronounced as “su-gar” but without the sh-sound.  What could have I done?  Nothing much except to work harder on my pronunciation.  I started to gradually take it into stride, because whether one likes it or not, I am a Chinese first and foremost. And proudly.

Bringing up my children with a blend of both the Chinese and Western traditions

This part was the real challenge. There are major differences between Chinese and Western family traditions and especially as far as bringing up children is concerned. Much as I would have wanted to bring up my children the Chinese way of being close to the family, I needed to balance this with the environment they were growing up in. The Chinese, like most Asian families, had more authority over their children, including the manner of discipline, as opposed to the children my own children were growing up with who had more liberal parents.  Western kids prefer to be independent and are advocates of individuality; they like to have their own place, make their schedule and put high value on privacy.  Westerners tend to make their own decisions often without relying on their elders for advice.  The Chinese children, on the other hand, are closer to their families, like to go out with them and rely on them.  They consult their elders when deciding on important things like joining a University, starting a business/career, choosing a partner in life, etc.

This great blend of the east and the west has helped me support my children as they were growing up in a multi-cultural environment.  I opened their eyes to the differences, to the values of each and to what’s better in each but I left them to make their own choices.  At the end of the day, I believe that the examples they saw in my family became their best teacher. The best of the Chinese culture that I learned from my mom and my granddad will continue to be alive as I pass them on to them. Now, they are grown ups, well-rounded, able to relate to both the Chinese and Western, and are bilingual.

Doing business with multi-cultures

As a businesswoman, because of the environments I grew up in, I am able to understand a wider range of cultures, both as people, as business partners and as clients.  This has benefitted me a lot in the way that I have been able to establish a huge resource base from a wider range of network and to establish good business relationships with them.

I have observed that the one notable difference between Chinese and Western  business worlds is that the Chinese build business more on trust and friendships:  earn one’s trust and respect first and then do business. Whereas Western business is built on law, that is, one will only do business with another if they have a contract.  While contracts exist in China and trust exists in the West, the bedrock of the business relationship differs.  If a business relationship is in difficulty among the Chinese, the ultimate resort is the trust and reputation to resolve it.  But among the westerners, if business relationship fails, the last resort is the courts.

Nevertheless, sometimes, I still question myself: is this distinctive understanding a result of me being more Chinese than Canadian? Or is it because I learnt my lessons well from  the experiences I’ve had dealing with and relating with people from both cultures.  I do not know. But, I am certain that the Chinese believe in their instincts, trust their guts and place high premium in references, as opposed to Westerners, whose judgments are based more on how concrete a contract is.  Similarly, the belief on the integrity of a person plays a major role for Chinese in choosing their business partners as opposed to track records/reference among the Westerns. Also, when employing staff, Chinese prefer their family members and/or their near and dear over strangers as opposed to choosing strangers as westerns do. My instinctive understanding of this difference has been invaluable in bridging the world of business between East and West.

Even though I grew up somehow upset for not having a strong sense of belonging, today, I am happy and I wouldn’t change anything,  And if I were to live my life again, I’d keep this aspect of my personal history.  I firmly believe that things are a lot better than if I belonged to only one world.