Aug. 22/07 – On a cruise now. I am starting to get homesick ….. Yeah, it’s been 6 days already.
Seeing loving couples in this ship is very inspiring. I envy them. How much would I pay to be one of them? I don’t know. But what good does $ do if I feel lonelier as my networth gets higher? Of course, I mean genuinely being “in the lovey dovey” mood like the rest of these lovers around me now. Being with someone that I can look up to, to learn from, inspire me, someone that can touch my heart – may be a tall order but on top of this, I’d put great intelligence, wit and a great sense of humour as requirements as well. I’d rather be alone and continue to be the “apple” of their eyes rather than settle for less.
I am on this cruise with all my family and close friends (89 of us!) but I feel we are no longer on the same page. It seems that we do not connect anymore. I feel I “outgrew” them so much within the last 3 years….. But I seemed happier back then. It’s sad. I may be richer now but why do I feel lonely?
I remember my best friend, Kam. He warned me 3 years ago that with the pace I was moving, I would become pretty lonely pretty soon. Now, I finally understand what he means …
Another thing yet to confirm that Kam is right 2 years ago: He said that he would be very happy for me when the day would come that I would be prepared to leave everything behind in Vancouver and be with that “man” who would make me happy.
Perhaps it’s too late to go back now. I can’t turn back the time. Family gathering? I have that all the time but given what I do, the stress level is different. I have changed and I have grown apart from them which is why I don’t feel we are on same page anymore. I love them to death and all I can do is to be a provider for them to show my love to them. However I can’t help feeling “lonely” even when I am with them, with all of them …
Can not get rid of the lonely feeling at all …..