Toastmaster’s Speech – To inspire the audience – Sept. 6/14

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IMG_6532 CCS #10 – To Inspire the Audience (8-10 mins)

Title:  Unwavering

Good evening Mr. Chair, fellow toastmasters and most welcomed guests!

What started as a way to combat my fear of public speaking, Toastmasters has become a platform in my continuous journey in personal growth, compelling me to write about things that impact my life. I am honored for the chance to share them with you.

Over time, one of the greatest compliments that people have paid me is that my determination is my essence. I am proud yet humbled that people would think of me this way and that they see me for who I am.

Determination has always been my essence. I’ve had many episodes in my life when determination made me go beyond what I thought possible and through all these life challenges, my determination has always been my sword and my shield.

One life event that is a great example of this is the life-changing trip I took with my mom in December of 2008. During our flight home after a 2-week tour of Australia, we had an epic talk – the longest and the deepest I’ve ever had with her.  I spent 16 hours listening to her many stories about what we, as a family, went through to come to Canada and how we lived our first years here in the 70s. I was amazed at some of the old stories she told me about our family and all the hardship she went through in the 70s, during the whole escape process to Canada, how we had nothing left when we arrived here in 1979.  Oh, and I even learned how I could have died twice while she was pregnant with me.  As I listened, I also asked myself, “Why was I hearing all of this in so much detail now? What was the meaning of the timing of this all this?”

Suddenly, it hit me:  I had my mother’s story. And it must be written; it must told. No, not for profit. Writing it would be for her legacy, our legacy, one that we could pass down from generation to generation. After all, it was my mother’s unconditional commitment as a mother that was her sword and shield. Her love for us needed to be told because she is too humble to admit that she is the hero: a life of pain and sacrifice for her children and family. That was her life, her essence. Her children and grandchildren deserve to know now what went into their lives and the path my mother paved so we could be successful.

Who is she that deserves to be known? What about her deserves to be written?

When dad died, we had no money so, for his burial plot, we could only buy the very bottom location of a hill which meant that when it rained, water would flow down towards his tomb.  Mom really wanted to buy a concrete box to protect the wooden coffin and to prevent mud from spoiling it when it rained.  This concrete box only cost $500 which is something we can easily spend on any one dinner today yet it was too much for us at that time.

A few weeks after my dad died, mom was wearing a red sweater – for which her mother gave her shit as her husband died less than 49 days ago – and yet she was already wearing a color that is worn for celebration.  But the reality was that mom never even considered what the colour was since that was the only warm sweater she found inside that 25-cents-each basket at the 2nd hand store.

Being a widow, she worked hard 7 days a week.  A few times after a hard night of working as a chef in a super busy Japanese restaurant in White Rock, mom would see the bus, then she would run uphill in the cold on the snow as fast as she could wearing her fabric shoes to try and catch the bus otherwise she would have to wait another hour before the next bus would come.  Sometimes, she felt the bus driver saw her yet he didn’t wait for her.  She would be tired, stressed, sad.

She even thought of jumping off a cliff to end her life but as soon as she thought of her 4 kids at home waiting for her, she couldn’t do it.  She felt they were already father-less: how could she leave them mother-less too?  Her kids became her motivation and her drive to fight and continue living.

Mom was very grateful that the church sponsored us and especially grateful to the volunteers, Betty and Frank MacKenzie for taking care of us. There were occasions that Mom would invite them over to our humble house for dinner.  Mom makes really good spring rolls but at that time, we couldn’t afford to buy meat. Instead, she bought buy pork bones and took the meat from there bit by bit.  The fruits we got were always those sold for 50 cents a bag as they were half rotten.  She would cut the good part out to serve our sponsors.  Up to this day, 35 years later, Betty (96 yrs old) is still alive and we still make time to go and visit her in Kelowna once a year and give her spending money.  One thing mom taught us is “always be grateful.  Never forget those that were there for us when we were in need.”  Mom walks the talk and all her kids have learned this from her.

A widow at 34 with 4 kids aged 6-14, Mom was totally qualified to go on welfare but she asked herself what example she would be giving her children if she did that.  Being on welfare meant we would not starve.  Yet, it also meant that getting ahead would be a long shot.  Instead, Mom chose to work hard relentlessly.  She worked as a chef in a Japanese restaurant.  As a thank you for mom’s contribution to the success of the 2 restaurants her boss offered to sell her the 2nd location for zero down and zero interest.  Being a natural entrepreneur back in her home town, mom didn’t hesitate.  Our whole family worked at the restaurant without pay for 3 years till the restaurant was paid off.  Then mom got involved in real estate.  She went from being a poor widow to becoming a self made millionaire over an 8 year period.  She was an amazing role model for her kids who are all doing very well financially too. And this is a blessing we will always be grateful for.

And I can go on and on and on talking more about her.

At this time, all I had was my determination to make it happen. But the question was how do I get there?  I turned to the people in my inner circle and shared my thoughts and ideas.  I fully intended to hire someone to write for me. Hiring a ghost writer seemed the most logical choice since I was in no way a writer.

My brother Eric changed everything. He was so passionate in supporting the idea that I could write it that I was inspired to at least try to do it myself. I certainly knew it would mean more to me if I did. I love Eric for seeing that so early on. Eric helped me see that it was my passion and determination that would make Mom’s life history authentic, more from the heart, more impactful to our family.

Let’s face it, the truth was at that time I was no reader nor scholar. And author? That was laughable. I can’t even remember a book I read past page 30 in my entire life. But I could not let that discourage me.  I was determined to take this on as the challenge of my lifetime – I was going to be a writer!

The timing was perfect. Mom would be 65 in 2011, which was 2 years and 9 months away from the time that we were toying with this idea.  With my determination and persistence, I knew I could write it in time for her birthday. I honored my essence of personal determination despite the chances that I could fail.

The process unfolded as a beautiful sequence of events.

Just before Christmas, my brother Eric gave me his copy of The Concubine’s Children, by Denise Chong who writes about her grandfather’s early journey to Vancouver and how life was for the Chinese then. And just a few days before Christmas, I found myself already into Chapter 2.

After dinner on Christmas Eve, as I was reading the book, the kids invited me to play mahjong with them. Kel, my son, made fun of me saying, “Hurry up, Librarian” and lectured me on how difficult it is to become a writer and how many stories get rejected before a writer gets published.  And if that wasn’t enough, he ended with “Stop dreaming, Mom.”

At first, his words stung me. I felt so hurt and very defeated. But it only reinforced my determination, and I knew nothing would stop me – not even my son’s discouragement. In fact, Kel was going to get the first copy.

With that drive, I needed to acquire some armor to succeed. I enrolled in writing classes, each of which left me feeling nothing but motivated and empowered as I learned the rules of basic memoir writing.

After a long two years and nine months, many battles faced and fought, on August 31, 2011, I was ready with the first draft of the book. By September 13th of that same year, the book went to print just in time for my mom’s 65rd birthday.

My mother’s surprise was soon replaced with emotions showing how touched she was. As an extension of my gift to her, I gave copies of the book to our relatives and close friends and yes, even my son Kel got his copy.  I was amazed with the response I got from my Canadian born cousins thanking me for sharing mom’s story because they now know the hardship their parents went through before arriving in Canada.  I was so touched when I found out Deon had read the book 5 times in total even though I told him a good time to start reading grandma’s biography is when he reaches 18.  He took my copy of the book and started reading it when he was 10 years old but only got to first chapter.  He read it again when he was 11 and manage to get to half way.  Then at 12 was when he actually finished the whole book.  The 4th and 5th time was a re-read when he got to 13.   I didn’t know about this until his teacher told me she had asked him to lend her the book while he was reading it during lunch time last year.

My book is called Unwavering, a title my brother Eric came up with.  I thought it best captured my mom’s true heart and her essence: my mom’s unwavering will to raise her children by herself in a foreign country, her unwavering endurance through the most difficult challenges to give us the best she could. In the end, I thought the title became a word to describe my own journey too:  my unwavering determination to write this story, her story, my family’s legacy.

Unwavering is just small token of my gratitude to my Mom. I say small because no words in a book can ever express our gratitude to her. Small because nothing can ever compare to what she went through.

I hope that her story inspires my children and grandchildren, nieces and nephew to know their heritage and live their life to the fullest as my mother has tried to inspire in all of us.

Let me share with you two short portions of the Epilogue of the book:

As I look over the valley and the mountain range, I feel a sigh of lightness escape me. I feel an emotion that is greater than the financial success I have experienced. If I don’t include my children who are by far my greatest accomplishment, I feel this book is my greatest achievement. I feel so proud of myself. I have accomplished what I, in the beginning, thought was impossible.

Although this is the end of the book, it is not the end of my mother’s story. She is alive and well and enjoying the freedom that she has worked so hard to attain. I hope that in reading this retrospective of her life, she will realize how truly remarkable she is.

I learned determination from my Mother.  I encourage all of you, especially those who are going through tough times and we all have, to dig deep and find your essence.  Embrace it and create the future you desire!

 

 

Unwavering Back Cover-revised2

 

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