Sept. 8/01 – I was fuming mad when I accidentally picked up a phone call from the limo driver from the Casino in Niagara Falls from Toronto looking for Stephen since they were supposed to pick him up. He lied to me. Again. He said he was going fishing with Claudio in Vancouver. I feel so betrayed and so angry. I can no longer take it. This is the end of the road. I am giving up. And I hope that he feels guilty for the rest of his life.
Before I cut short my life, I have to write a few notes … And OMG! It’s Mom’s birthday next week. But I can’t wait to end every thingnow!
To World’s Greatest Mom:
There will never be enough words or gifts I could give you to compensate you for all the stress and tears I have given you. I am truly sorry for all the hurts I caused you and I want to take this opportunity to really tell you how much I love you and how much I am grateful to you for everything, Mom.
I am so glad to see you with Uncle Fred. I think he’s a wonderful man and I trust he has the ability to bring happiness to you forever. You truly deserve it.
I wish you new happiness starting from this special birthday to eternity.
Love you forever!
From a guilty daughter, Amy
To my dearest Kel, Jo & De:
I am really sorry to be such an irresponsible mother. I know it’s wrong of me to bring you guys to this world and leave you just like that. I love you all very much and trust me leaving you all is definitely my last choice. I have tried so hard to hang on to this marriage and keep up with this family but I can’t handle it any more. I am living with so much pain and hurts. I don’t want to live any more. I’ll be going to heaven where I’ll be a lot happier. Please don’t cry and just be happy for me.
Please learn to share and to love each other more when Mommy’s not around anymore. Remember never to lie to your love ones cause that’s that main cause of mommy’s absence. I love you all and I will bless you from a different world.
Love, from a guilty mother
Stephen:
By the time you see this, I will already gone far away from this world. I am so glad I finally discovered a painless way of leaving you. I hope you’ll finally realize how much you have hurt me. I give up on trying. I give up on giving you a last chance cause I finally realized I could never win against your gambling addiction. You will never stop lying to me. I will never be worth your while. I will never be your priority and you’ll never learn to be honest to me. I will never have the kind of love I wanted from you but I will never be able to leave you. You have tortured me emotionally and mentally for way too long and I don’t deserve any of it.
Living this kind of life is so sickening and stressful. I am gone because I don’t want to continue this kind of live style. I am so tried. You are the most selfish person I have ever met. You want to have a status of having a family but don’t want to live up to the responsibility that having a family has. I don’t know if you are the man that loves me the most but I know for a fact you are the man who have hurt me the most.
I wish you better luck in your love life after I am gone. I hope you’ll learn a big lesson after I am gone. The least I hope you’ll get out of my death is learn to appreciate your loved one while she is still around and not to take things for granted anymore. Don’t abuse the love you are given.
Please take good care of Deon. He was not an accident. He was my biggest gift to you. I did love you so much at one point that I decided to give you a life time present and that’s having a child with you.
I am so excited to go to see my Dad, hopefully in heaven where you can’t lie to me anymore, can’t hurt me anymore, can’t emotionally and mentally abuse me anymore, can’t violate me anymore. There will no longer be empty promises, no more commitments, no more tears, no more pain, no more torturing. There will only be a place where I would find happiness ever after……
It’s unfortunate that I didn’t get to celebrate at least 1 happy birthday with you after everything we went through together.
Last words from someone who cares for Stephen.
PS: Please remember to pay all my I O U’s and collect all the U O Me’s on my behalf (it’s all written up and filed in the life Insurance binder. I have a lot of pride for my credit rating when I am alive and I want to keep the same image when I am gone.
An attempt to end my life… = 2
Very unfortunate for such a talented young lady that’s helped so many people to feel this way. I do understand the hurt and torment that you’ve gone through but you must know that you ALWAYS have a choice. I sounds like you need to move on and start a life with a new man that will treat you with respect and love that you deserve. I know it is hard to start over with someone else but I promise you it is worth it. You are much to valuable to this life to end it and you have so much more life to live. I thank you for sharing your story as I’m sure it will benefit so many. Stay true to yourself and continue your life giving work. Sincerely, Sally
Amy it is me Janelle. I went through similar events you did. It is a horrific place to be at.
You are not going to Hell, You are going to Heaven. You know. Don’t do that ever again sweetheart! I feel terrible for You, I just want to reach out to you, and tell You I am sorry for all the shit You had to go through!
I Love You Forever,
Janelle Rae Moore