Wife = NO. Fiancé = YES.

June 1/14.  While I am a total believer in “commitment” and that one ultimate expression of “commitment” is marriage.  However, I now feel that at 43 and after having gone through 2 experiences of divorce at 24 and 31, I feel I’ve had my share of “marriage” already….

The argument  about marriage that I keep hearing is “if 2 people are in love, then why fear committing to marriage?”  But equally, I am here asking, “Why the need for that piece of paper to confirm that you are committed to each other?”  I mean, divorce is only another piece of paper away from marriage should I feel later on that I can no longer commit to an unloving relationship, so what is the point of going through this process?

I still strongly feel that “marriage” is a beautiful thing and it is one that I recommend for every person to experience at least once in their life time.  I am convinced that a woman looks the most beautiful in her wedding dress and photos of that event could be memories forever.  It’s so heartwarming to hear kids talk about their mom’s wedding dress or their grandma’s wedding dress.

However, it’s just not for me.  At least not now.  In my life, I’ve gone through negative net worth three times.  And out of those, two were divorce-related.  Parting with your loved one and parting with the money you earned the hard way is just not fair!  Clearly, Amy and money and divorce do not go together well.  I learned the hard way and I needed to experience it twice to let that reality sink into me.  Obviously, I can’t imagine myself being in that situation again.  I still feel the bad taste that divorce left in me when I recall those times.  It feels like I was traumatized by the experience so much so that I now become apprehensive dating a man who is not as financially stable as I am.

Oh sure, I know that “pre-nup” is an option.  But if the man that I supposedly love is someone that I can’t trust enough that I need him to sign the pre-nup agreement, where’s the whole meaning of “love” or at least “romance”? Then, why enter into marriage if I don’t trust him?  Now, if he suggests the pre-nup arrangement, then that might be a different story but it’s a story that’s not important for me because it affects the trust that I feel really goes with love.

I also know that I have the option of warning him that he won’t live long enough to rip me but if he gives me any reasons to even imagine the need to warn him about this, then it’s not the love I want to have and definitely it means that I don’t trust him enough.  So again, why marry him?

Don’t get me wrong.  I have no regrets whatsoever for having gotten married and I am grateful for both of my marriages because they gave me my 3 beautiful children.  But after my last divorce, I knew I will NEVER want to get marry again.  Perhaps the only exception would be if my future Mr. Right has never experienced “marriage” yet.  But then what are the chances of me, at my age now, falling in love for someone who’s never had that experience??  Very slim. Considering that my kids are such a big part of my life now, I would rather be with the man that has been through the single parent’s path like I have had.

I also totally believe that action speaks louder than words.  When Mr. Right shows up, I would still want him to profess his love for me and be bold enough to ask me to marry him because for me, this means that “he is ready to announce to the world how much he loves me” and that he has decided to make me the last woman in his life.  Assuming that I feel the same way, then I would feel very honoured to say “YES.”  I would love to be his fiancé but remain his fiance forever.  Why?  Because I would feel like “I am wanted, I am reserved BUT I am not SOLD” therefore if any other man wants me bad enough, he still has a chance!  LOL.  Of course, I expect the real Mr. Right would be wise enough to understand my view on this topic and mature enough to accept this theory of mine! 🙂

I remember Huey used to say “Amy doesn’t want to be loved but loves to be wanted.” I now see how he came up with that statement.  But that’s only true about the men who were known to be my secret admirers but who I didn’t really care about. So they do not count.  Everyone wants to be loved; I am part of “everyone.”  But no one wants to be hurt; I am part of “no one.”  But, should love really lead to marriage?  I don’t believe so.  Love is love, married or not married.