May 30/12 – I can’t sleep, so here I am thinking about my future partner since growing old alone has never been my first choice. This means then that after traveling is done and Deon is back to school, I would be open to start a new relationship again. Obviously, my first choice is to be with someone who has it all but among money & wisdom & character & values, money is the least important to me. I can help him have the money but I can’t help him have the wisdom and the character.
I remember thinking about this during my helicopter ride to Harrison Hot Spring Spa in 2006. These are the thoughts I had then:
– What can I offer my future man if he is not yet financially ready enough so that he can match my life style and be with me when I make impulsive decisions?
– Will I learn to be sensitive enough in what I am doing so that I don’t lower his self-esteem?
– “Teaching others how to fish” instead of “giving them the fishes” is what I have always believed in. So what are the most important things I have to offer? The answer is: TIME & RESOURCES, meaning my network. If I am willing to give my TIME to do volunteer work that benefit strangers then, why don’t I do it to help my better half too?
However, I tried out this theory with my X in 2010, but it didn’t work. I realized that the reason it failed was that he wasn’t the one wanting the help to begin with. It was just plain me wanting to offer my help with the intention to make him feel better about himself. Little did I know though that my choices were actually lowering his self-esteem..:(
Indeed, our values are unique to each of us, therefore I realized that I was just trying too hard to control and manipulate our circumstance. What I learned from this was that I shouldn’t offer my help again unless it’s to the right person, for the right reason and to the person who wants to be helped, first and foremost. Definitely, we will need to have similar values first.
The reason I even consider volunteering to help my man is related to my end goal which is to enjoy each other’s company, to spend time together, to learn together, to grow together and to travel and experience life together. All of this will require TIME and $$$ though. My biggest asset is the networking I have created over the years. I don’t plan to be a sugar mom because I won’t be able to respect any man that wants to live off me, therefore offering to teach him how to fish instead of giving him the fish will totally align with my values.
While being mindful about upholding each other, I know that finding the right candidate for me to want to help is way harder than finding good investments so that he can have passive income while enjoying his time with me.